I have been pondering this question all evening… earlier I felt my mood go from a 7 to a –7… For no particular reason… I don’t think there was a trigger, all I know is that I am at about a (–10)…which for me is past the point of a suicide note… I am completely numb right now… I am quite sure I am not going to make it to see the sun rise, and if I do… my body will be stuck to my sheets from dried blood… I tried not to cut tonight… I honestly did… I went as far as to post a “rope” a cry for help…for someone…anyone to be my lifeline tonight… Not one response…
So the rest of my night shall be interesting…painful but most of all utterly lonely….even though I just want to run…. hide….and die! So is this the end? Is it worth it? Is one more day in my pathetic existence worth it? Will anything ever change? When I take one step forward in life…I end up being thrown six steps back… I am so in the negative, I would have to live to be 150 just to break even…
How do I break this cycle? Perhaps I am destined to just die alone… painfully and utterly alone…. Is this the end?
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