About Me

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Lakewood, Ohio, United States
Hello my name is Zoe Page, I am a Transsexual Woman Transitioning from MTF (Male to Female), and I am currently writing, what will become my first published book, "How I Lost The Game Before It Even Started.- A Transsexual With Borderline Personality Disorder" I am an Army Veteran living in Cleveland, Ohio. I have a potpourri of psychological problems including: PTSD, Bipolar One Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Dissociative Disorder. Fun right? I am writing this Blog for my own therapeutic recovery and in hopes that I may be able to help another person suffering with some of the same demons I deal with on a daily basis. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to comment with your feelings, experiences or questions for me; I will be more than happy to hear from you.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I would do anything

Why is it always next time, why can’t one solitary thing go my way !!!! Why is it that when I fall in love with someone, I end up pushing them away. Why can’t I be like a “normal” person? What do I have to do ! Why am I so numb to life and revert to cutting just to feel something besides pain. What did I do in my past life to deserve such a life as mine???

I go days without sleep… I can’t seem to escape a single thought. Time flies by while at the same time seems to stand still. I just want it all to stop !!!! If any of you with BPD have any helpful suggestions…. please let me know !!!! I am slowing dying here !!!!

Posted by Suicide Queen at 4:58 AM

3 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 26, 2011 at 5:03 AM

    hi, just to let you know i will be reading your blog. its good to know im not alone. i personally havnt cut myself since about november last year and that is because i have distanced myself from everyone. i dont have any friends and my family relationships are neutral. i have noone who would let me down other than support workers. if they let me down im more inclined to take an overdose. my body is scarred from cutting. my 5 main scars on my arms are fading. i have alot on my legs from 1 night when i took an od and didnt feel anything. my support worker found me and i ended up with 28 stitches i think it was. im here for moral support xxx catcha on twitter xxx mentallygb

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  2. My Black FogApril 26, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    I hear you. I mean,... I REALLY hear you!!! I could have written that myself. Feel free to get in touch if you want. DM me on twitter and I can give you my email or something.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousApril 27, 2011 at 4:46 PM

    Hi Denny, I just came across your blog. I am a female in my early 30’s in the UK who is diagnosed with a ‘Complex Psychological Disorder’ including BPD. I have been blogging for a while and like you I write for therapeutic reasons. I am about to go back into therapy next week an 18-month long programme which I hope I will eventually when it is over publish into a book, if I achieve what I want towards the end two years down the line! Good luck the blog and recovery... remember each day you survive is progress towards bigger things x

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